judged???

Have you ever had one of those days where you just really feel like you're being judged? You know, someone is questioning your mothering, your wife-ing (made that word up, I know), your housekeeping...or anything else to which you can add an "-ing"?

Well, that is how I felt today. Unfortunately, it was my mothering. I do not respond well to that, AT ALL. I left a place today feeling so defeated...crying actually...and mad at my boys, unfortunately.

This is something I really need to give to the Lord over and over and over and over again.
Because really, God knows that I am trying...He knows me. He knows me better than anyone. He knows that I bathe these boys in prayer after prayer. He knows that I rejoice when they rejoice. He knows that I weep when I mess up. He knows that I get teary eyed when they do something new for the first time or write me the sweetest note EVER. He knows how badly I want them to grow up to love Him and serve Him. He knows that I am trying my very best to be more than even a wife and a mother, but a homebuilder who points them to Him continuously.

So, why is it that when someone makes a comment about one of my boys I feel so defeated and start questioning God? Today, I actually said to God, "why did you give me these boys? I just can't do it. I am not a good mother." What lies! I am a good mom...I am. I am. I am.

I am just a sinner saved by God's awesome grace who is trying to raise four boys who are also SINNERS! We are not perfect. My boys are not perfect. They will disobey, throw fits, hit other children (gasp); they will sin. All I can do is discipline in love and pray for the Spirit's guidance.

Oh well if someone questions me. Oh well if someone acts like my child is HORRIBLE because he didn't obey immediately...oh if it was only that easy. I lose sleep over things like this. I dwell on things such as this; can you tell?? Give it to the Lord; give it to the Lord...

Oh Lord, help me to remember that You look at my heart. Help me to move on and forgive. Help me to be sensitive to others and not to judge if someone does something differently. Father, thank You that you know me so well.