Today, two of my roles collided in a bad way....Worship Leader Margo and Mommy Margo.
Well, I wish I could say I handled it gracefully, but I so did not.
Because it was my last Sunday to help out at New Hope, all six of us made the trip to Mannford. Mike and the boys had never gone with me before to this church. Since I always have told the people there that I would bring them some day, today had to be the day.
Everything was fine until Sunday School and church actually started. The boys really didn't want to go into class, and then there wasn't children's church. It was just a little crazy. On top of this, they all sat on the FRONT row less than 2 feet from me and the piano. It was just so hard for me to play, sing, and WORSHIP.
You see, usually, my drives to Mannford are just me and God...praying, worshiping, and listening to an awesome sermon on my iPod (the one that was stolen.) So the service is usually just bathed in prayer by the time I drive the 45 minutes there, and I am feeling so ready to lead others into worship. Then, the services go well and God really speaks to me through Pastor Manuel's message. I leave REFRESHED and RENEWED and BLESSED.
It just didn't happen today. Today, I left FRAZZLED, EXHAUSTED, and EMOTIONALLY SPENT. I just wanted to cry.
So, what have I learned today? I have learned that my ministry as a mom needs to be first. Not that I can't serve in other areas, but I need to minister to my children while serving in other areas. Today, I just felt like they were in my way...how horrible is that? I could have just rolled with it instead of getting a little angry with them...after all, they are still very young and were in a totally new place with all new people.
God has given me these 4 amazing sons to lavish in His love. That is so my heart's desire...just to love on them and enjoy them and serve them and minister to them. I never, ever want them to feel like they are in my way. They are truly blessings, gifts, rewards from my Heavenly Father.
these were taken a couple of weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon drive, Lake OologahFather, help me to remember that my boys are a blessing, a gift and reward from You. I praise You for your grace and forgiveness. Help me to love on my boys today...to enjoy them, to laugh with them, to play with them, to serve them, to point them to You in all that I do. Thank you for Nate, Kyle, Ian, and Caden.
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YOU ARE A GOOD MOM FRIEND.
"YOUR CHILDREN WILL RISE UP AND CALL YOU BLESSED!"
HUGS FROM MAINE
You are a great mommy and you are a great worship leader. I am sorry today was hard. I know your little ones KNOW and FEEL that you love them. You really know how to build relationships with them. May God continue to use you and your ministry as a worship leader and mommy in mighty ways. I love ya.
I am sure your sons don't think they are ever "in the way." It was a more focused on you time on the drive there, that changed today in a big way, so of course you would be affected. God has not lost patience with you, your ministry, your mothering. give yourself a hug from me, ok?
Wow, I just got caught up on your blog...I'd missed a lot! I can't believe Nate lost a tooth. I love snaggletoothed kids!! That first tooth always catches my heart though...it was usually the first one to come in.
What is soaked oatmeal?
Hang in there with the envelopes. I have a hard time, too, but God promised to take care of us.
And I've thought lately about how I've changed over the years--mostly because of facebook, and reconnecting w/old friends there. The students here actually think I'm quiet, and nobody's ever called me that before! So I understand. It's an adjustment in thinking.
My kids just got home...
Okay, first of all, I'm all kinds of cracking up because I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!! I remember Claire sitting on the front row one of the first Sundays I led worship at our current church, (she was 4, almost 5) and she had her legs spread wide open and I could see her panties. You should have seen me struggling between my worship-face and my young-lady-put-your-legs-together-face. And Keith was in the back holding Ben, so no help there! :-) Oh, this is now a HI-larious memory to me. Not long after that, I asked to be kindly and temporarily relieved of this position precisely for the same reason you are discussing. And you know what? I'm okay with it now!! Yes, I love leading worship, but this time is really so brief that our kids will need us like this. We'll get to do it again. (And hey! There's always the women-only conferences to get us through between now and then, right?) :-) Love you girl! Thank you for ALWAYS being so completely transparent in this beautiful journey! I never would have guessed back in 1995 when we were strutting our stuff at the Mannford Striped Bass Festival that you would someday be such a constant source of inspiration to me.
I love your very heartfelt Blogs and how you share everything. You are a GREAT MOM and i know you are doing just exactly what God wants you to do. Maybe the events of the day were to make it easier for you to walk away frm that 'ministry'? I am soooooooooooooooooooooo sorry we missed yall and didn't get to eat lunch with you. I've been really wanting to go to steer inn for a good chicken fried steak, but more importantly, i have been really wanting to see you and your boys. I sincerely hope that we will get to see you all soon.
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