love this

O Lord God,

Thou hast commanded me to believe in Jesus;

         and I would flee to no other refuge,

     wash in no other fountain,

     build on no other foundation,

     receive from no other fullness,

     rest in no other relief.

His water and blood were not severed

     in their flow at the cross,

     may they never be separated in my creed

       and experiences;

May I be equally convinced of the guilt

     and pollution of sin,

   feel my need of a prince and saviour,

   implore of him repentance as well as forgiveness,

   love holiness, and be pure in heart,

   have the mind of Jesus, and tread in his steps.

Let me not be at my own disposal,

   but rejoice that I am under the care of one

   who is too wise to err,

     too kind to injure,

     too tender to crush.

May I scandalize none by my temper and conduct,

     but recommend and endear Christ to all around,

     bestow good on every one as circumstances

         permit,

     and decline no opportunity of usefulness.

Grant that I may value my substance,

     not as the medium of pride and luxury,

     but as the means of my support and stewardship.

Help me to guide my affections with discretion,

     to owe no man anything,

     to be able to give to him that needeth,

     to feel it my duty and pleasure to be merciful

       and forgiving,

     to show to the world the likeness of Jesus.

from http://www.banneroftruth.org/pages/dailydevotion_detail.php?2595

my family

I love my boys. I absolutely LOVE my boys. What blessings from my heavenly Father they are!!

Something about watching 4 little guys watching fireworks and waving their own little sparklers just gave me chills. They are AWESOME, wonderfully created, BLESSINGS!!!

Father, help me to never, ever forget that they are a reward, a gift, a blessing from You. You chose each of them to be my son. Please, oh please, help me to be a mom who is led by your Spirit and pours Your love on them everyday. Even when it is so hard and I just don't think I can do it anymore, be my strength, my peace, my joy. With You, I can be the mom that you have called me to be. I am honored to be their mom! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

two worlds collide

Today, two of my roles collided in a bad way....Worship Leader Margo and Mommy Margo.

Well, I wish I could say I handled it gracefully, but I so did not.

Because it was my last Sunday to help out at New Hope, all six of us made the trip to Mannford. Mike and the boys had never gone with me before to this church. Since I always have told the people there that I would bring them some day, today had to be the day.

Everything was fine until Sunday School and church actually started. The boys really didn't want to go into class, and then there wasn't children's church. It was just a little crazy. On top of this, they all sat on the FRONT row less than 2 feet from me and the piano. It was just so hard for me to play, sing, and WORSHIP.

You see, usually, my drives to Mannford are just me and God...praying, worshiping, and listening to an awesome sermon on my iPod (the one that was stolen.) So the service is usually just bathed in prayer by the time I drive the 45 minutes there, and I am feeling so ready to lead others into worship. Then, the services go well and God really speaks to me through Pastor Manuel's message. I leave REFRESHED and RENEWED and BLESSED.

It just didn't happen today. Today, I left FRAZZLED, EXHAUSTED, and EMOTIONALLY SPENT. I just wanted to cry.

So, what have I learned today? I have learned that my ministry as a mom needs to be first. Not that I can't serve in other areas, but I need to minister to my children while serving in other areas. Today, I just felt like they were in my way...how horrible is that? I could have just rolled with it instead of getting a little angry with them...after all, they are still very young and were in a totally new place with all new people.

God has given me these 4 amazing sons to lavish in His love. That is so my heart's desire...just to love on them and enjoy them and serve them and minister to them. I never, ever want them to feel like they are in my way. They are truly blessings, gifts, rewards from my Heavenly Father.

these were taken a couple of weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon drive, Lake Oologah

Father, help me to remember that my boys are a blessing, a gift and reward from You. I praise You for your grace and forgiveness. Help me to love on my boys today...to enjoy them, to laugh with them, to play with them, to serve them, to point them to You in all that I do. Thank you for Nate, Kyle, Ian, and Caden.

judged???

Have you ever had one of those days where you just really feel like you're being judged? You know, someone is questioning your mothering, your wife-ing (made that word up, I know), your housekeeping...or anything else to which you can add an "-ing"?

Well, that is how I felt today. Unfortunately, it was my mothering. I do not respond well to that, AT ALL. I left a place today feeling so defeated...crying actually...and mad at my boys, unfortunately.

This is something I really need to give to the Lord over and over and over and over again.
Because really, God knows that I am trying...He knows me. He knows me better than anyone. He knows that I bathe these boys in prayer after prayer. He knows that I rejoice when they rejoice. He knows that I weep when I mess up. He knows that I get teary eyed when they do something new for the first time or write me the sweetest note EVER. He knows how badly I want them to grow up to love Him and serve Him. He knows that I am trying my very best to be more than even a wife and a mother, but a homebuilder who points them to Him continuously.

So, why is it that when someone makes a comment about one of my boys I feel so defeated and start questioning God? Today, I actually said to God, "why did you give me these boys? I just can't do it. I am not a good mother." What lies! I am a good mom...I am. I am. I am.

I am just a sinner saved by God's awesome grace who is trying to raise four boys who are also SINNERS! We are not perfect. My boys are not perfect. They will disobey, throw fits, hit other children (gasp); they will sin. All I can do is discipline in love and pray for the Spirit's guidance.

Oh well if someone questions me. Oh well if someone acts like my child is HORRIBLE because he didn't obey immediately...oh if it was only that easy. I lose sleep over things like this. I dwell on things such as this; can you tell?? Give it to the Lord; give it to the Lord...

Oh Lord, help me to remember that You look at my heart. Help me to move on and forgive. Help me to be sensitive to others and not to judge if someone does something differently. Father, thank You that you know me so well.

there is one of me scaling a wall

There is one of me. No matter what, there is only one of me. I only have 2 hands, the ability to fully concentrate on one conversation, and only one mind.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THAT TO MY KIDS AND MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND???

Today, 3 of my 4 kids were all trying to speak to me (or whine or cry or yell) all at the same time. Then, the phone started ringing...I was thinking SERIOUSLY....AAAAHHHH!! I totally wasn't going to answer it.

Well, it stopped ringing. The one child who wasn't speaking, whining, crying, or yelling at me decided to ANSWER THE PHONE. Of course, all he did was push the "talk" button. I don't think he actually said anything. So then, I grabbed the phone and it was my 90-year-old grandma, who I love very much. Don't get me wrong. It just wasn't a good time.

I was already completely feeling overwhelmed when she started talking to me about something, I'm not for sure what. I tried really, really hard to nicely tell her that "right now is really not a good time" and "can I call you back in a little while?" But, to no avail...she is almost deaf and couldn't hear the whining, crying, or yelling in the background. Finally, we ended the phone call and then I burst into tears.

Today, I realized that no matter what, I am completely outnumbered. I am overwhelmed.

It's not even that anything necessarily BAD happened today, except for some sneakiness on my kids' part. For the most part it was just a typical day in our household, but today it got to me. I found myself just crying out to God, "Help me, help me, help me. I am overwhelmed. I need Your wisdom and understanding. Please, please, please help me."

Check this out:

2 Samuel 22:29-31

29 You are my lamp, O LORD;
the LORD turns my darkness into light.

30 With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.

31 "As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

I really like verse 30, can you tell?? I'm telling you, raising these four little guys is tough, and it seems almost impossible, like scaling a wall. But with God's help, I can scale a wall!!! That totally makes me want to flex my muscles :) With God's help, I CAN DO THIS!!

good-bye 2008, Welcome 2009

Okay, I must confess as a little girl that I thought we would all be driving/piloting flying cars by the year 2009!! Did anyone else think that??? (seriously, read the rest of the post, and then comment on this...I'm curious!)

Anyway, this year has been a year of trials, joys, and new ways of life! As I reflect upon this year, I remember my tough days, like the day I got really mad and broke my door/wall. In case you missed that, you can read about it here. Although it is definitely not something I am proud of, I still wrote about it because my blog is a place where I wear my heart on my sleeve and talk about my struggles as well as my accomplishments! I love my boys so much, but being a mommy is the hardest job/ministry I ever thought I would do.

Unfortunately, I also remember 2008 as the year that my husband worked and worked and worked and worked, sometimes 70 hours/week. I will remember that this year was a very hard year for our marriage. Even now though, I can praise God because I know that He is the Healer and can get us through anything! I didn't write about the marriage part that much on my blog, I don't think. I think I really wanted to hold my tongue and trust that God truly, truly works all things together for those who love Him...and oh, how I love Him, my heavenly Father!!

This year was also full of many joyous occasions! I have made some of the most awesome friends this year! What blessings! I also left my 20s this year....YES, this is JOYFUL!! I loved my 20s and look forward to what God has in store for me in my 30s. You can read the prayer I wrote on the eve of my 30th birthday here. I also have loved homeschooling my children. Oh yes, it has its hard days, but I just love spending time with them (well, not so much on the fighting days) and do treasure the time I get to spend with them. I love seeing them learn and experience new education milestones with them. I have had some awesome dates with my husband, even one that included an OU game! My family brings joy into my life, especially when I have the right mindset to allow myself to be joyful!

I will also remember 2008 as the year that I officially overhauled our family diet, eliminating from our house these 10 ingredients. With that, I also switched us totally to raw milk products and began making my own house hold cleaners, dishwashing soap, and laundry soap. I also eliminated paper towels and napkins (we still use toilet paper, don't worry *smile*). This adventure has led me to the aisles of Whole Foods versus those of Wal-mart, but it has definitely been an awesome change for us all. We all have been healthier and have been able to experience new recipes, new fruits, new vegetables....it's amazing to watch my young sons LOVE an organic spring mix salad with organic ranch dressing...sweet! I have began making more and more recipes completely from scratch (even chicken ON the bone) and learning so much along the way! It's been a fun food year! I find peace in knowing what is actually IN the food that goes into my body and my families' bodies!

So this year....here are some of my goals:
1. Do not put any holes into doors, walls, or ANYTHING else. In a nutshell, this means practice some self-control and working on my anger issue...God and I have some major pow-wowing to do!
2. Enjoy my kids more.
3. Pray for my kids more.
4. Love on my kids more.
5. Enjoy my husband more.
6. Pray for my husband more.
7. Love on my husband more (his love language, I learned this year, is quality time and words of affirmation...that is what I am going to work on!)
8. Tell my friends I am thankful for them more often.
9. Eat out less...even though I have done awesome with changing our diets AT HOME, we eat out entirely too much, which is not good for our bodies or the budget!
10. In addition to planning our dinners, plan our LUNCHES. This, hopefully, will eliminate drive-thru runs.
11. Love God more.
12. Pray more.
13. Memorize more scripture/write more scripture songs.
14. LOVE LIFE!! Smile at the future (you know, that whole Proverbs 31 thing)
15. Work-out more (I had to add that one, doesn't everyone include that one!)

So, I will end this post with a prayer over 2009:

Father, I praise You for my life. I praise You for caring about me. I praise You for loving me, even though I fail miserably, often. You have blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. Praise You for Mike, Nate, Kyle, Ian, and Caden. Help me, in Your strength and with the Holy Spirit's guidance, to be a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend. I give You me, completely. Use me this year to glorify You and to bring others to You. I love You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Praising the Lord

I woke up today on time (6am) , thank Jesus, and was able to really spend some time with my Heavenly Father. It's amazing how much better my day starts when I really am intentional about meeting with Him in the morning!!

Anyway, I have such a peace about our next President. It wasn't what I would have planned, but God's ways are higher than mine. He knows...He in control...He is over all, through all, and in all!!

No matter what, I know that I am SO blessed to live in the USA. I love our country!!

The verse Daniel 2:21 was left on my Facebook today, and I really want to share that here! I'll start in verse 19...

Then Daniel praised the God of heaven and said:
"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.

21 He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.

22 He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.

23 I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers"

God KNOWS all...He truly is in control! God could definitely use Mr. Obama to make some positive changes in our country! I'm actually looking forward to the next few years...I know that God is working!

Saying goodbye to the 20s

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I have decided to write a prayer of thanksgiving for all that God has done in my life in the last 10 years and I want to share it on my blog. (You know, you don't have to read it all because it's pretty long. The gist of it is that in the last 10 years, God has blessed me with an awesome husband and 4 awesome sons. He has moved me from Oklahoma, to Idaho, to Maine, and back to Oklahoma again! He has brought into my life some of the most awesome friends...I just praise Him and thank Him for my life and who I am becoming in Him, only by His grace, mercy, and power! I am looking forward to what He has planned for me in my 30s...I am SURE that it is bigger than anything that I can imagine!)

Father,
I am amazed by You. I praise You for my life and everything that You have brought me through and how You have blessed me so much. I praise You for my awesome husband who I met when I was just 20. I do not deserve someone as awesome as him, but in Your mercy and grace, You gave him to me. He is more than I could ever have hoped for or imagined. You truly have blessed my life through him. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined You having a plan for my life that included a husband that was all the way from Idaho, from a town smaller than my hometown!
What an adventure the last 10 years have been!! My fours years in Idaho when Mike and I were first married were sweet years. I graduated from college there. I had my first and only "real" job there. Although You have since taught me that being a mom is more than just a "real" job; it is a high calling!! In Idaho, You blessed my life through an awesome church and great friends. You especially blessed my life through my dear friend Kecia. She has been more than a friend to me. She has been a role model, a mentor, and an example of the type of mom that I want to be. When I first met her, I remember thinking that I hope I will be a godly wife and mom like her. In Your divine plan and I think even in Your humor, I became a mom sooner (and later I would find out more often) than Mike and I had planned! In Idaho, you blessed us with Nathanael. When Nathanael was just 7 months old, You blessed us with another pregnancy!
In the next 9 months, our lives changed drastically. I praise You and am amazed by Your constant provision for our family. Your ways are definitely higher than our ways. As part of Your plan and as Your way of providing for us, You moved us from Idaho to Maine! Wow! What a move that was!! Just a month after moving to Maine, You brought Kyle into our lives. Through Kyle, You taught me just how different 2 babies can be. I remember thinking, "We are so done having children." In Your divine plan (and once again I believe, humor), You blessed us with little Ian just 18 months later and then with Caden just 21 months after Ian. Often, more times than I can count, I have told You that You picked the wrong gal to have 4 boys in 4 years. However, sweet Father, I wouldn't change it for anything now. Even in all my craziness and in the chaos of my life, You have blessed me through them and taught me so much through them. You continue to mold me and refine me into who You want me to be. Oh Father, I so desire to be a living sacrifice to You, holy and pleasing in Your sight. Thank You for my life. Thank you for my Michael, my Nate, my Kyle, my Ian, and my Caden. I am truly blessed.
Father, our time in Maine was hard, but sweet also. I was ready to move from there, but I miss it more than I ever thought I would. I praise You for growing me so much there. Once again, like Idaho, You blessed us with a great church family who truly became our family. I praise You for Pastor Mike, Sue, Jordan, and JonJon. I don't think we would have made it our first couple of years in Maine if it weren't for that family! I cherish our time spent with them and all those times at their house watching the Red Sox!! You also blessed me through close friends who were like sisters to me. I praise You for my friend Lisa, who was my sanity over and over and over again. I miss her. Please provide a way for me to see her soon! I praise You for my "coffee center" friends. I praise You for Angela, who I believe You may have moved there just because I SO needed a friend! I praise You for teaching me how to truly WORSHIP You through music there. Wow! I am humbled that You could ever use me to lead others into worship. You grew me, stretched me, and strengthened my marriage so much in those 4 years.
Father, again, You blessed me more than I ever could have hoped for when You provided a way for our family of 6 to move to Oklahoma, just 2 hours from my parents. Now, once again, You are surrounding us with awesome friends and have provided an incredible church home. Much to my surprise and to the surprise of many of our friends, You have called us to homeschool. It isn't easy. Help me to remember that this is Your will and that You will provide the means! Thank You for my homeschool co-op. I couldn't do it without those moms!! Father, I praise You for all You are doing here. I continue to lift Michael's job up to You, but again, I know that Your ways are higher than our ways and that You can do more than I can even imagine. I trust that You are working it all out.
Again, I just praise You for my life. Help me to trust You more, love You more, depend on You more, rejoice in You more. Help me to spend more time with You and to truly live a Spirit-led life. Grow me into a prayer warrior. Help me to never doubt You and to always remember that You work all things together for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. Help me to trust in You with all my heart and to not lean on my own understanding. Help me not to be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, to present my requests to You!! Help me to smile at the future and to seek You daily for wisdom in my mothering and in my marriage. May I truly be pleasing to You in everything I do. May I be joyful! May I be a loving, kind, gentle, caring, compassionate, peaceful, and fun mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.
Father, I am excited to see what You have planned for me in my 30s. I am sure that it is more than I could ever hope for or imagine! I love You and praise You! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.